I found out today that an acquaintance from high school is very ill, possibly dying. It's actually the second time I've suddenly lost a friend from that time; the first was about three years ago. What surprises and amazes me is that while my relationships with the two people were incredibly different, all the same things came flooding back. The memories of who I was then, the comparison of who I am now, became a steady stream as if someone had just unplugged a pipe. And oddly, a lot of my thoughts weren't so much about my friend or my acquaintance as the other people who knew them, and who they might have grown up to be.

The Druidcraft Tarot version of the Six of Cups illustrates it here: there's a part of old identities that do stay with us no matter where we go. The rough, awkward times especially, the times when we were first sorting through all the unpolished knobby bits towards figuring out who we really are. You see it in sitcoms, the joke about how the polished, accomplished person used to be "really awkward" as a kid. A little part of us may always worry that we are who we were, not who we become. If things were especially awkward and painful - as a lot of childhood often is - then we might worry our accomplishments are even a sort of mask under the "real thing".

I was told once that everyone has a story, something about their experience, their own unique world, that transforms them and leads them towards their purpose. I'm inclined to agree. We aren't just our present. We're our past, slowly taking the first steps into the light, forming the imperfectly perfect foundation of what we're going to be. We're our future, looking back from a lifetime of experience, able to see our moments of fear as blips on a radar of evolution. We're alternate roads, things we might have done - or not done, or feared to do - that turned us into different people. Our life is a constant road of evolving, changing, becoming, regressing, and becoming again. We are such brilliant beings. And we contain multitudes.

Everything we are now is a little bit of who we were. Everything we were is a bit of what we're going to be. And it is all important. Every single sad, awkward bit. Every bright, triumphant moment. The roads we've traveled are a part of us, even when we think we've left them behind. But that's all right. In fact, often, that's the only way it should be.

7/26/2012 11:38:58 pm

So very true. I've made some butt-clenchingly awful decisions in the past and doen things I've regretted, but each one of them has led me to where I am now and made me the person I am, so honestly, can I regret anything? No, I can't. Excellent blog post :)

7/26/2012 11:42:43 pm

How true! I sometimes think that I have really gotten rid of certain things from my past but in a second they come back when something triggers me. It's a great way to stay humble ; ).

Great post, I really likes reading it. Big hugs, Karina

7/27/2012 04:50:46 am

First, I wish your friend peace on this journey no matter where it takes them. Second, I loved what you said about "Everything we are now is a little bit of who we were".

We didn't get here by ourselves. :D

7/27/2012 07:09:14 am

I'm so sorry about your friend.
I recently had a friend from high school pass away, and it took me right back to that time in my life. And at first I wanted to resist it - I was in such a different place now. But then I began to embrace it - everything that happened in that time period led me right where I am today.
That's so true for each of us. Beautiful post.

7/27/2012 07:29:38 pm

It's true what we are as is the sum of all we were and the input of how our mind perceives right now; it means we have so many resources to call on, internally, when trying to work through a problem or see a situation from a different perspective.

Thanks for this thoughtful way of presenting it.

7/28/2012 12:36:14 am

Your beautifully written blog invites reflection, inspiration and self-acceptance and provides a momentum of hope to move forward on a multifaceted journey toward the future.

7/29/2012 05:05:36 am

Oh, I Love this post! It's so true that we are ALL of ourselves. I burned all my diaries from when I was a teen because I was so embarrassed. Now I really wish I hadn't - not to keep them, I'd have got rid of them anyway, but I wish I hadn't got rid of them from shame. That shy, awkward, weird girl is part of me...and I have to make it up to her that I rejected her because I wanted to be someone else.

HA! I am still shy, awkward, weird...and confident,at ease with myself...and still weird, but now I own it! I love that last paragraph - it is so important to understand this, and that was beautifully put!

7/29/2012 10:39:28 am

What truth in this beautiful post - thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry about your friend...


Leave a Reply.

Real Time Web Analytics